Zoombabwe or Zombiebwe?

Sometimes I wonder loudly about the most appropriate name for the land of my birth and love: the land of Munhumutapa, Changamire and Lobengula. It certainly does not look like the House of Stone right now; it feels more like a zoo or even a land of zombies. Ancient Zimbabweans were not afraid to challenge tyranny, domestic or foreign, preferring to die free, rather than live as slaves. The experiences of the early Portuguese adventure seekers and their British successors tell the story of a people that valued their dignity above any other consideration. That was why Changamire invaded northern Zimbabwe in the late seventeenth century to dislodge the Munhumutapa who had become a Portuguese vassal; that was why Lobengula chose to resist British rule under Rhodes than be co-opted and humiliated.
Not so in our own time, of course. Citizens are treated with utter contempt and denied their basic rights, such as the right to a passport, on flimsy grounds. The only way you can get a travel document is if you know someone inside an embassy who can then certify your Zimbabweanness! Otherwise, as one embassy official said to me, you are in tough luck. Having a Zimbabwean birth certificate is not proof of citizenship, we are told. You must have a national identity card. What if you left Zimbabwe as a child who was under the age of obtaining a national identity card? You are in tough luck!
This is a circus. First off, you cannot obtain a national identity card without a birth certificate, thus underlying the supremacy of the birth certificate over all other forms of identity. Logically, if you have a Zimbabwean birth certificate, it is safe to assume you are a Zimbabwean in the absence of evidence to the contrary.
To the Zoombabwe (or is it Zombiebwe?) government, figuring out simple and straightforward stuff like this is like studying cosmology, the origin and fate of the universe itself! This regime, this transitional regime, is not about serving the interests of the people of Zimbabwe but about rescuing the political careers of one or two people: Robert Mugabe and Morgan Tsvangirai.
Mchini wami, mchini wami!